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How it started and how it's going...

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 Monday...I have a new reason to hate every other Monday. I started my morning nice and calmly working from home, yet dreading what was to come. Once it was time, I packed up my laptop and headed to the infusion center. I started with bloodwork. Thankfully, it was good to proceed. Of course the first test to come back was the pregnancy test. I had to laugh! Last year it was a running joke, because that test always showed up on Tuesday mornings during out staff meeting. I would open it up and declare with a sigh of relief that I was not pregnant. The people who were not in on that joke would look at me funny. All of my other blood came back as expected, except the CEA. It of course had risen since my appointment on the 12th. Not shocked, but didn't like seeing the jump from 9. something to 13. something. This being my first visit and time with some of these drugs, I got a lot of info thrown at me. This pump is different from the one at Methodist, so I had to watch some troubleshooti...
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Warp Speed

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  I feel like everything is moving at warp speed, yet at the same time, things are moving so slowly. It has been less than 3 weeks since I found out my cancer returned and spread. I want things to move quickly so we can get a handle on this before it gets worse, but I  also want to feel like I can catch my breath some. In case you missed it, chemo starts on Monday.  Quick recap...Meet with an oncologist at MD Anderson on Monday. Chemo is set with Folfiri + Avastin. It seems like MD Anderson ran a crap load of tests. I have been getting "Test Results" texts and emails all week. One of those tests was a UGT1A1 Phenotype test. My result is "Abnormal" which means I am an intermediate metabolizer. This means that I have a higher risk of jaundice or toxicity with the irinotecan. Yay me! They also reread my CT scan from February 4. They agreed with the adenexal mass, which they are calling 7 cm. They noted the deposit in my signmoid messentary as we...
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No yardwork or cat litter duty for me...

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 I had my appointment today. It went well. For those who don't want to read all of my word vomit, I start chemo on Monday.  For those that are ready for my novel, here ya' go!  The nerves...I thought I had a really good handle on all of my past anxiety issues. This past week  has been rough. My anxiety has been next level. Yesterday I woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. Today it was 3am. That makes for a tired and cranky Jen. Add that to the extra fatigue-y feeling that I have had, which is probably my body working extra to fight against this stupid cancer, and I am wiped by the end of the day. Yet, I am so amped up that I can't sleep. It is a vicious cycle. Let me tell ya' though. I have felt the love and the prayers. Sunday morning, some one had stopped me before I even made it to my desk. He prayed right then and there. I had that happen several times before I had even been there an hour...hallway, stairway, bathroom... I even had someone pray and use a...
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An Update That Doesn't Really Contain an Update

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 I have sat with this horrible news for over a week. My feelings of fear, grief, dread, and anxiety have not waned. They just come and go some. Before I get into the details that really contain no details, let me say THANK YOU! Thank you for the overwhelming love and support you have given. Thank you for the hugs. Thank you for the text messages. Thank you for the comments here. I do not know who is posting most of them, but I have come back to read them over and over. The prayers offer comfort.  It was a rough week mentally. I tried to put everything out of my head, but every ache, pain, and twinge reminded me that my body is trying to kill me. Wednesday I picked up my phone after a meeting and my heart sunk when the notification across my screen said James Van Der Beek had died. While I never watched Dawson's Creek (I am too old- 90210 was my show), I felt emotionally invested in his journey. He announced publicly that be had been battling stage 3 cancer around the same time...
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This is not the update I wanted to give you...

 It has been a long and rough 24 hours. Around 9am every morning, many staffers go to Corner Books to get coffee. Like any other Thursday, we were talking about things. There were pockets of conversations going on. My phone rang. I knew. I knew the number. I knew the results. I knew how the conversation was going to go.  How could I have gone from feeling on top of the world and running a half marathon less than a month ago to this? GUT PUNCH! My CEA which was 5.5 at diagnosis and averaged 1.6 this past year was now at 6.8 My CA-125 which had never been done was 80. Normal is 0-35 I am still waiting on the results of the signatera test.  All of my other blood work was normal. Now for the hard part. I have 2 pelvic masses. One is 6.5cm x 3.8cm x 4.5 cm. The other is a 1.5 cm nodule. I also have a liver nodule that is 1.5cm x 1.3 cm.  Surgery is off the table. My oncologist wants to biopsy the 1.5 pelvic nodule and start chemo to "control it." No options after that wer...
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Time for my Prayer Warriors Again!

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 So, I have had a whirlwind of a few days. If you remember way back in December, I had a clear CT. Also, at that time I was having some pain. After the clear scans the doctor said it was likely muscular. This was not a crazy idea since I was working my core pretty hard in November and had just started running again to prepare for the half marathon. The pain wasn't constant, it was just annoying. Well the annoying got worse. I would carry my heating pad from room to room. It never really made a difference though. It was pretty steady in relation to pain and coming and going. I had taken time off from core and strength training while working up to the half marathon. I added some pretty intense core work back the last few weeks when we were frozen. Well, that amped up my pain. It hurts pretty bad and all of the time. I just had a feeling...and that feeling is that it wasn't muscular.  Last week I scheduled an appointment with my PCP. She did labs, but was leaning more toward dive...
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A New Test

 So, if you remember way back at the end of November when I got my blood test results, I kind of spiraled though all of the aches and pains that I had bee feeling? Well, I still have the nagging lower abdominal pain. I brought it up to my oncologist in December, but given all of the test results, plus my activity, she concluded it was muscular. Well, here we are in the final days of January and the pain is still present and more so than it was last month. At this point, I have no idea which doctor to call first. I scheduled an appointment with my primary. She is the one who insisted, despite my lack of symptoms other than anemia, lack of family history, and lack of risk factors was insistent I get a colonoscopy because she was concerned I had colon cancer way back in APRIL 2024. I obviously didn't take her seriously initially. We talked through my symptoms and activity. Her first thought was possibly diverticulitis. Given my history (Yes, I am so over those words), she wanted to do...
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