Jennifer's Cancer Journey

 Today someone mentioned that I haven't given an update and requested that I do one. I had to look to see when I posted last. It was the scan result. I met with my doctor a few days after. She was pleased with my results and mentioned that sometimes the signatera number can fluctuate. Based on my research, it doesn't really. It can fluctuate based on how many cells that contain tumor DNA are floating in the body. However, my researching did tell me that with a number as low as mine, my body could fight off and kill whatever was attempting to grow. In my mind that could explain fluctuating. I have decided to not repeat the test this month. I will wait until late January or February. I am going to live my life like I have clear scans. I am going to celebrate Christmas with my family, Hannah's birthday, Samantha's birthday, and run a half marathon before I even think about doing the test again.  This past Friday, I had my port flush and blood work. Everything was normal. T...

  That was fast! My heart rate jumped to 150 when I saw the results where in! I laugh/cried when I saw the doctors comment before I read anything. I know that the positive signatera result means there is something, but it is too small to be seen on scans right. now. Y'all this is such a God thing! Let me back up and let you in on how the day went. I showed up, pulled out my laptop and started working. I knew I was going to be waiting over an hour, because I had to drink the contrast. I busted out some good work during that time. It kept me focused and not thinking about why I was there. They called me back to place the IV. This is where things went sideways. The paramedic said my veins are rolling veins. Um...they are not. She couldn't get the IV into the very obvious vein. Thankfully, she quit trying. I wouldn't give her my other arm. Not because I didn't trust her...ok maybe a little, but because since 2018 only 3 people have ever been successful doing anything on tha...

Tomorrow is the big day. I am hesitant to say that it will change the course of my life. Well, tomorrow won't, but what my CT Scan shows will.  At this point I don't really even know what to wish for. I desperately have been praying for clear scans. My scans can be clear, but I know there is cancer somewhere in my body. Clear scans mean it is just too small to be seen and we keep looking for it. Maybe it will be so slow growing that it won't appear for months. I have also been praying that if something is there, it will small and be something that can easily be zapped or taken out. I guess those two scenarios are the best. I do not want to see results that my insides are filled with cancer and nothing can be done. I still don't know if I will get to meet with my doctor this week. I guess I will call tomorrow instead of relying on MyChart.  I will likely have my results pop up at some point on Thursday. I have been second guessing everything over the last few days. I hav...

Well, This is not what I wanted to see this morning. I wonder if this is why my dog has been sitting and just staring at me lately. I can say that I am not surprised. My hands shake almost every time I open these test results. I would have been surprised to see negative. Maybe it is expect the worst part of me, or the part that just had a feeling deep down that this wasn't over, or even the fact that I refuse to let myself get happy and comfortable. All of my life I feel like I have walked around waiting for the other shoe to drop. This whole situation has been no different. I have always felt like this would not be a one and done type of thing, despite so many people telling me otherwise. This feeling is also why I didn't want to ring the bell when I completed treatment. I truly felt like I was not done and would be back sooner rather than later. Guess this means that I should always go with my gut feeling! So what does this mean. Well, cells with DNA from my primary tumor tha...

 525, 600 minutes (give or take a few)...that is how long it has been since I hear the words, "you have cancer." If I would have started composing this post a few weeks ago, it would have been a lot different...Maybe more light hearted and humorous, but as this day has approached, I have found myself a tad more emotional.  The song, "Seasons of Love" starts like this: 525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love. How do you measure a year? I admit, I am a creature of habit, so my year would typically be measured by routine...sort of like crossing the days off of the calendar with some milestones tossed in.  This year it was measured very differently. At first it was the diagn...

 I had so many comments about my hair while on chemo. I still had it… The type of chemo I was on didn’t cause total loss, but thinning. People didn’t believe me when I said I lost 40%~50% of my hair. Over the last month I have noticed a lot of small short hairs when I blow dry my hair. I can’t ever pick them out when my hair is dry though. Today, thanks to my silly hairstyle, I can see just how many there are.  Look at all that hair! My whole head is like this, but you just can’t tell.  I told y’all, I lost a lot of hair! *typed on iPhone and may contain typos and strange autocorrects. 

  Today was my one year post diagnosis colonoscopy. I was not looking forward to this day...not only because of the prep, but because I think I have a little PTSD from last year. I still vividly remember waking up to the news that I had a 4+ cm mass in my ascending colon.  I was also not thrilled that Hannah was the one who was with me. I love my kids, but would rather any bad news to go to me and Marc before one of them. After a long night, I was not ready to get up and shower when my alarm went off. I gave us 45 minutes to get the 10 miles down the road. Good thing, because we needed the whole 45 minutes. Right after we left the house, I heard about a wreck right before the freeway. The traffic was backed up all the way to the river bridge. We hit the traffic and did not move for 10 minutes. Let me preface this by saying that I am a rule follower unless it comes to driving. I also didn't want to be late and risk having the procedure cancelled or rescheduled. So, I drove a mi...

Hello! It has been a minute since I have spent time in the hospital area. By area, I mean, Dr office, infusion center, lab, or imaging area. Not sure if you remember way back when I was there 2-3 times a week. I know I sure do! At some point in the life of this blog, I mentioned that I frequently would wave at doors for them to open. That is the way things are done around Methodist. That is not the way things are done at church...or anyone else in public. So, many times I would wave my hand at a door that wouldn't open. I am sure anyone who witnessed this little brain fart moment probably thought I had lost my mind. To the right is a photo of the sensor that opens all of the doors! They are all pretty much in the same location in relation to the door, so waving can just become a natural motion.  Back in April/May, Marc killed my car while I was in California visiting Josh and Morganne. If you remember, my chemo was delayed the day after I returned due to low white blood cells. So, ...

 See what I did there? Fear is a Liar is a song for those that don't know. Sometimes when the fear seems to overwhelm me, I will sing this song in my head.  What are my fears? Jokingly, I can say it is an ab workout. I actually admitted that out loud today, but it is true. Ab workouts hurt. It is not the normal workout muscle soreness hurt. It is the my muscles have been cut through hurt. It is a deep burn that feels almost unbearable. I get it sometimes when I try for the longer runs too. Not all ab workouts hurt, but the ones that are effective do. Testing season is coming up. Just the word TEST can evoke fear right now. It is hard to not think about where I was at this time last year. Many days I felt like I was barely hanging on, but I didn't know why. I thought...or hoped that a bleeding ulcer was causing my severe anemia. Of course, now I know that was not the issue.  Fear...when I get tired, I am afraid I am anemic. When I have pains, I am afraid cancer has spread ...

 If you know me well, then you know that I love to be busy. I love getting to go to work everyday. I have a love/hate relationship with my 5am runs! I may or may not be ready for the half marathon by January. My free time is spent trying to transform the former boys room into the guest room of my dreams; however, I am bound by my ability and my finances. I have a closet kit ordered and on back order. I also have a tv, wall mount, and another closet kit in my Amazon cart waiting for the funds. I need the contractor to give me an estimate on some work that is way over my head. I have the brass bed frame (my grandmother's), but I need a mattress. I also may need the slats. I won't know until I get it out of storage.  I have a night stand that matches the dresser, and a cedar chest, but I want an antiqueish looking, but comfortable chair that is not too big. I also have a new ceiling fan/light picked out and plan to replace the closet light fixture. I think I also want a mirror to...

I had my blood drawn for this test yesterday. Time does not lessen the anxiety. It may actually make it worse  what if all of the previous negatives were due to being in chemo? It has not been 2 months since the last round was complete. What if cancer is now going haywire my body?  I know, I should be anxious for nothing and trust in God, but honestly, sometimes it’s just hard to not stress and have anxiety. Normally, the results are back in 7-10 days. I’m praying for a negative!  

 A lot of life has happened in the since the last time I posted...that seems to be the theme... My goal was to post an update at least once a week, but I failed. I used to have a fear of failure...not anymore. LOL For real though, failing is a learning experience. Well, not in school...I don't care that an 89.5 is an A, I want a 100 anything less is a failure.  So, since the last update, not a lot health wise has happened. I did schedule my 1 year colonoscopy. My mind drifted to the original appointment with the doctor. We were both sure that my stressful life was causing a bleeding ulcer. I remember being nervous and terrified when I went into the room before the procedure. I remember the doctor noticing. He sat down on the side of the bed to try and calm my anxiety. I remember him sitting in the same place on the side of the bed when he told me he found something and it was highly likely that is was cancer. Needless to say, I am not looking forward to the colonoscopy that is...

 I have decided that I will do better with the updates...even when I don't feel there is much of an update.  Today, I tried to have a day of rest. That wasn't initially my intention though. My plan was to  get up and do all of the things that I needed to do and then do a garage workout.  That is not how my day went. I actually slept in...all the way until 7:15. If you only who how much of a morning person I am NOT, you would  be rolling on the floor right now. I am 2 weeks into a full time job and 3 weeks into half marathon training. All of that while living 48 miles from my job...in a major city. Some days it takes me an hour...others can take almost 2. Needless to say, by time I get home, I do not want to run. Add in the fact that it is still SUMMER with what feels like 100% humidity and in the 90's...not happening! So...I have been getting up at 5am and going for a run....still humid. The catch is that I have to be dressed and ready, do my run, shower, and ge...

 Things have been crazy busy!  So busy that I started this update on Thursday. It is now Saturday evening.  If I remember correctly, my last update was before my scans last Friday. The results of the scans popped up in MyChart on Saturday. There is no evidence of metastasis in the pelvic area or abdomen. However, there were a few 2mm spot on my lungs that were not present on my scan in April, BUT the swollen lymph node and spot that were on my scan in April were not mentioned. The person who read my results commented that the 2mm spots were likely inflammatory or post infected, but given my history, we need to follow up. My ctDNA test that I do monthly came back negative again. This week I had my port flush and a whole lot of bloodwork. As of now, the only results that have popped up in Mychart were from the CBC. One day it will come in without the abnormal label, but this is not the day. My RBC and lymphocytes were low, but trending up from the previous draws. My neutrop...

 I have hesitated posting a new update. The wedding is over. It was great...I think. I feel like I was pulled in so many different ways throughout the night that I really didn't get to enjoy much or process what was happening. Also, it is August and it was so humid and hot! I don't have wedding photos to share. I never picked up my phone to take any until Samantha and Anthony were walking out. I am anxiously waiting for the photographer photos!  There really was no rest time for me. I packed and unloaded everything from the venue into my car. Then unloaded it all at home. I think it was about 1am by the time I showered and went to bed. Sunday was promotion Sunday at church, so I was up early for that. It was a long day and I made a few uncharacteristic, but minor mistakes. Thankfully, Monday I did not get out of bed other than to shower and go back to bed. The rest of the week was nonstop. That seems to be my life right now. I did get to enjoy a beach day with Hannah. I may ma...

 I feel like so much has happened since my last update. I don't even remember my last update. I had to go back and look it up. It was August 1st. I feel like I have lived a year since then! I had my last round of chemo. The sense of relief I had when that pump did its crazy "I'm empty" beep was real! Yet, at the same time, it was a little surreal. Since I was told that I had cancer back in November, there was always this plan. I knew what was coming next and in some small part what to expect. Now I am in just a little bit of limbo. I am relieved, yet scared at the same time.  After the crazy beep, I headed to my follow up with my surgeon. It was my 6 month follow up from my 1 month follow up. All seemed to go well. I went in with my chemo pump on. He smile when I told him that this was it. Then the pump did another crazy beep thing...it was still empty. I guess it was my reminder...like I could forget! The doc asked what it meant. I told him it was empty and I needed ...

Before I get into the gritty of the appointments today along with what is to come, I have some randomness to share. There a few random things I have noticed during the last year visiting doctors and hospitals. One of those things is valet parking. It is your friend if you are going to be there a while, or at a time when you are likely to NOT find a parking spot. I valet on chemo days. I am there a while and may not have the energy to walk to my car when I am finished. The valet parking is free. When I go in for blood work or doctor appointments (they are generally back to back- for now), it is usually around lunch time, so I can easily find a parking spot. It is a little tougher on disconnect day, but I don't want to valet for a 15 minute appointment. Another thing that I have come to have a love/hate relationship with is MyChart. Everything is there and I can check in and pay before my appointment. My experience has been that I don't need to actually make appointments. They al...