Jennifer's Cancer Journey

Well, This is not what I wanted to see this morning. I wonder if this is why my dog has been sitting and just staring at me lately. I can say that I am not surprised. My hands shake almost every time I open these test results. I would have been surprised to see negative. Maybe it is expect the worst part of me, or the part that just had a feeling deep down that this wasn't over, or even the fact that I refuse to let myself get happy and comfortable. All of my life I feel like I have walked around waiting for the other shoe to drop. This whole situation has been no different. I have always felt like this would not be a one and done type of thing, despite so many people telling me otherwise. This feeling is also why I didn't want to ring the bell when I completed treatment. I truly felt like I was not done and would be back sooner rather than later. Guess this means that I should always go with my gut feeling! So what does this mean. Well, cells with DNA from my primary tumor tha...

 525, 600 minutes (give or take a few)...that is how long it has been since I hear the words, "you have cancer." If I would have started composing this post a few weeks ago, it would have been a lot different...Maybe more light hearted and humorous, but as this day has approached, I have found myself a tad more emotional.  The song, "Seasons of Love" starts like this: 525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love. How do you measure a year? I admit, I am a creature of habit, so my year would typically be measured by routine...sort of like crossing the days off of the calendar with some milestones tossed in.  This year it was measured very differently. At first it was the diagn...

 I had so many comments about my hair while on chemo. I still had it… The type of chemo I was on didn’t cause total loss, but thinning. People didn’t believe me when I said I lost 40%~50% of my hair. Over the last month I have noticed a lot of small short hairs when I blow dry my hair. I can’t ever pick them out when my hair is dry though. Today, thanks to my silly hairstyle, I can see just how many there are.  Look at all that hair! My whole head is like this, but you just can’t tell.  I told y’all, I lost a lot of hair! *typed on iPhone and may contain typos and strange autocorrects. 

  Today was my one year post diagnosis colonoscopy. I was not looking forward to this day...not only because of the prep, but because I think I have a little PTSD from last year. I still vividly remember waking up to the news that I had a 4+ cm mass in my ascending colon.  I was also not thrilled that Hannah was the one who was with me. I love my kids, but would rather any bad news to go to me and Marc before one of them. After a long night, I was not ready to get up and shower when my alarm went off. I gave us 45 minutes to get the 10 miles down the road. Good thing, because we needed the whole 45 minutes. Right after we left the house, I heard about a wreck right before the freeway. The traffic was backed up all the way to the river bridge. We hit the traffic and did not move for 10 minutes. Let me preface this by saying that I am a rule follower unless it comes to driving. I also didn't want to be late and risk having the procedure cancelled or rescheduled. So, I drove a mi...

Hello! It has been a minute since I have spent time in the hospital area. By area, I mean, Dr office, infusion center, lab, or imaging area. Not sure if you remember way back when I was there 2-3 times a week. I know I sure do! At some point in the life of this blog, I mentioned that I frequently would wave at doors for them to open. That is the way things are done around Methodist. That is not the way things are done at church...or anyone else in public. So, many times I would wave my hand at a door that wouldn't open. I am sure anyone who witnessed this little brain fart moment probably thought I had lost my mind. To the right is a photo of the sensor that opens all of the doors! They are all pretty much in the same location in relation to the door, so waving can just become a natural motion.  Back in April/May, Marc killed my car while I was in California visiting Josh and Morganne. If you remember, my chemo was delayed the day after I returned due to low white blood cells. So, ...