The battle is not over

Well, This is not what I wanted to see this morning. I wonder if this is why my dog has been sitting and just staring at me lately. I can say that I am not surprised. My hands shake almost every time I open these test results. I would have been surprised to see negative. Maybe it is expect the worst part of me, or the part that just had a feeling deep down that this wasn't over, or even the fact that I refuse to let myself get happy and comfortable. All of my life I feel like I have walked around waiting for the other shoe to drop. This whole situation has been no different. I have always felt like this would not be a one and done type of thing, despite so many people telling me otherwise. This feeling is also why I didn't want to ring the bell when I completed treatment. I truly felt like I was not done and would be back sooner rather than later. Guess this means that I should always go with my gut feeling!

So what does this mean. Well, cells with DNA from my primary tumor that was removed last December are floating around in my bloodstream. What is next? I already have a CT scan to recheck my lungs for the nodules that were seen in August scheduled for next Friday and a follow up with my oncologist the following Friday. I assume that won't change. I did send her a message in my chart to ask if we could include my pelvis in the scan. I have had some pain that could be hip flexor related or not. I just want to find the cancer before it gets too big to knock out. 

Please pray for me to not panic too much. Y'all know that I have freak out moments. I am worried about the new year and insurance changes as well as deductibles and out of pocket maximums being reset. Pray that any cancer in my body can be found on these scans so we can attack it and for it to not be to bad yet! Until then, I am going to continue to live my life. Tonight I am going to see the Oak Ridge Boys. I am likely going alone, because no one in my house wants to go.