Jennifer's Cancer Journey

 Round 3 is today. I can say that I am not super thrilled to be here. While I don't feel like I am in black and white, I am not the same fresh faced colorful version of myself that walked in for round 1.  I am wearing colorful clothes and make up. My hair is freshly washed, but I just really don't want to be here and doing this. I have to remind myself that I can do hard things. I have done hard things all my life. Honestly, I don't think I know what easy would look like.  I did wake up with a song on my heart this morning. The lyrics that replayed in my head are: I know who goes before me I know who stands behind The God of angel armies  is always by my side The song is Whom Shall I Fear by Chris Tomlin Silly me decided to just bring my devotion book with me today instead of doing reading it at home. It kind of hit me in the face this morning. I am sitting here and really not happy to be here...then again, who would be? I am not looking forward to being knocked back...

 I am posting this update because many have asked about specific prayer requests. I go in for round 3 (of 12) on Monday. I have been told that the real (whatever that means) side effects kick in  after rounds 3 and 4. The neuropathy and cold sensitivity were pretty bad after this last round. It never really went away. The headaches finally quit Tuesday afternoon and it has been so nice! My resting heart rate has been pretty high. My normal before all of this was in the 50's. It has been in the upper 70's the last month. I know my body is going through a lot, but it is still enough to give me a little anxiety. I have also had a new pain pop up. It very well could be ab muscle pain...that is what I am hoping. I did a lazy ab workout a few days ago. There have also been random aches and pains throughout the last two weeks.  Aside from that, I feel pretty good today.  Prayer Requests for the coming week: Blood work ok for chemo to happen No headache No high blood pressur...

 I opened the devotion this morning and was greeted with this verse: Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Psalm 139:23-24 I am just going to go ahead and say "ouch" for this one. This is a passage that I like to gloss over. Know my anxious thoughts... I feel like I have been doing well and just taking everything in stride, but underneath it all, I may not be. My anxious thoughts... I confess, my anxiety has been a little in overdrive. I don't think I initially identified it as anxiety, because I wasn't getting my normal symptoms. I haven't had a panic attack. I haven't been awakened in the middle of the night with a racing heart. I haven't had any of my "normal" anxiety symptoms. This morning, I was able to put my finger on it. I do have anxiety. There is anxiety about the upcoming wedding-finding the venue, all the litt...

Today has been better than yesterday, which was better than the day before. I was unsure of how my day would go, so Hannah drove herself into Houston to a friend's house. This was her first solo drive into town, and the control freak in me really wanted to jump out of bed and drop her off. I probably could have, but at some point, I have to let my 'little' fly. Hopefully, she didn't really fly. She had strict instructions to stay out of the left lane. I also told her to only drive in the right lane when she needed to exit the freeway. Then I made sure her GPS led her the way I wanted her to go.  My kids driving has always been a struggle with me...it is the control freak in me that doesn't like to not have some sense of control on the road. That being said, they have all given me a reason to be afraid...but then again, don't all children. Josh once said that he couldn't use cruise control because it made him forget he was driving. Let that one sink in for a ...

 The extreme exhaustion is real. The good news is that I am sleeping well thanks to the sleep aid. I will probably not take anymore until the next chemo week though. I do not want to become dependent and my sleep wasn't too bad on my off week last time. I know, it is still to early to know what to expect from week to week. It is hard to even get out of bed. I know, rest is important, but I refuse to just lie around in bed (did I get it right this time?). It makes me feel like a cancer patient waiting to die. Mentally, I don't want to be there. I will get up and moving soon. No shock, but we have another wedding venue to look at today. I am so over it. It is beyond frustrating. I just want this part to be done. I don't know if Sam thinks she is still going to find something amazing in her price range or what, but I think we have seen enough. Hannah has to finish her dual credit assignment today, because she will be with a friend this weekend. I know I have to drive her somew...

 Not much to report today. The fatigue has hit hard. I have to go get Hannah’s car from the shop and that is going to be tough. . No lie, we have spent about $4,000 on car repairs in the last 6 weeks. I still need to get mine into to check it out, but it will have to wait. My plan is to get the car around noon…just waiting on Hannah. Then my goal is to chill on the couch the rest of the day. I did tell her she must take me for a walk later…even if I don’t want to go.  Good news! My 2nd ctDNA test is still negative! So far surgery and chemo have done their jobs. 

 I am officially done with round 2. I got disconnected from the pump about an hour ago. The fatigue and nausea hit almost immediately. I find that odd, because the pump had been empty and turned off for over an hour. I took a med for the nausea. However, my lips started having muscle spasms and I also got a slight headache. I have added 1 more "carry with me all the time" prescription. I had to decide if I wanted to take the muscle relaxer for my lips...it really is not a good feeling, or the pain med for the headache. I chose the muscle relaxer. I also ended up with the puffy face from the steroid this time...not a fan! It makes it look as if I have gained 10 lbs all in my face. UGH! I know, I should not be worried about such a small detail in this whole process. I asked about how to combat the fatigue and nausea that I will feel over the next few days. The answer...rest and fluids. I will try. I have nothing planned tomorrow for this very reason, but it is not easy to drink...