Rebounding

Today has been better than yesterday, which was better than the day before. I was unsure of how my day would go, so Hannah drove herself into Houston to a friend's house. This was her first solo drive into town, and the control freak in me really wanted to jump out of bed and drop her off. I probably could have, but at some point, I have to let my 'little' fly. Hopefully, she didn't really fly. She had strict instructions to stay out of the left lane. I also told her to only drive in the right lane when she needed to exit the freeway. Then I made sure her GPS led her the way I wanted her to go. 

My kids driving has always been a struggle with me...it is the control freak in me that doesn't like to not have some sense of control on the road. That being said, they have all given me a reason to be afraid...but then again, don't all children. Josh once said that he couldn't use cruise control because it made him forget he was driving. Let that one sink in for a minute! Samantha hit a huge puddle of water at full speed...she must have thought the Expedition was a boat. Granted, it was as big as a boat, but it didn't float! Caleb...he thinks he is the best driver on earth and has zero issue going over 100 mph. Anyone want to help out on that car insurance? Hannah... This sweet child admittedly zones out when driving for a while. Y'all, we live "a while" from everything!  I once had to tell her to follow the lines, not the cracks on the freeway, yes, the freeway! I think letting your kids drive is one of the hardest things to do as a parent. Driving can be life of death. We give teens vehicles that can become a weapon if used wrong. It is scary! I have spent more time on my knees praying for my kids while they were driving than most other things combined. Ok, probably not that much, but a lot. Samantha is the only one that I feel ok riding with. Just to give an update on their ages, they are 18, 21, 24, and 25, so I have had many years of risking my life in a car with my children!

Back to today, I did manage to get out of bed and change my sheets this morning. That is a win over yesterday. I even unclogged the vacuum so I could use it. I asked Caleb to get my 8 lb weights out of the garage. I haven't used them yet, and I think he knew I wouldn't. The problem is that everything in the garage is cold. Cold hurts. I do not want to touch them. 

Before leaving for work, Caleb realized Hannah was gone. It was funny. I got the, "What? Where did she go? Who is she with? Did she drive? Why? Where did she drive? Is she going to church tomorrow? When will she be home?" I love my little guy...even though he is not so little anymore. 

I tried to muster up the energy to go for a walk. I was failing, so I had lunch and Netflix. Still fatigued and nauseated, I went for a walk anyway. The extreme stubbornness and sheer determination that my dad and Samantha possess and may or may not have skipped a generation will keep me going! I could sit there tired and nauseated, lamenting my fate, or I could get out of my own head. Let me tell you, fresh air, vitamin D, and a little activity does wonders...even if I threw up a little while walking. I am still tired and not sure about  actually eating dinner, but I feel better than I did before getting outside. 

Now I am here and alone for the evening. I Doordashed dinner--(Thank you!). I even got a movie on Amazon. I know my family will get me for this one. I get all of the email and text notifications every time they rent or buy a movie. A few days ago, I screenshotted all of the rentals and sent it to our "FAM" text chain. I told them to stop or I was going to change the password. Marc tried to point out the movies that I had bought. The last two he could come up with were Vengeance and Elvis...both of which were in 2021, and the whole family wanted to watch them again. I have been waiting for Reagan to stream for free. I can't even find a date of when that will happen, so I got the movie. The whole family can benefit from my purchase. 

One last thought for the day: Don't focus on your emotions. Focus on God. The last couple of days, my focus has been on my emotions and feelings rather than God. Something as simple as sitting on my back porch listening to the breeze blow the windchimes can change the focus back to God and creation. The fresh air is a perfect way to get out of my head and emotions, yet still validating the physical feeling of illness. Change the focus and change the perspective.