A lot has happened since my last update!!!!

 It was not my intention to go so long between updates. A lot has happened since my last update. Some I will share and some I will not...at least not yet. 

So, I had round 9 and my neuropathy ramped up even more despite my oncologist dropping the Oxaliplatin. Crazy me did a pop up kickboxing class at church the day after disconnect. It was great despite the way I felt. I had decided to go home and walk my dog. He is finally not depressed and is happy. He has even started dumping his toy box to play with toys again. Well, I sat down and that was it. It took a few hours for me to even get up the energy to shower. Then I went to bed. 

The next day Samantha had her wedding dress alteration fitting. I was able to button those tiny buttons...I could not do that now. Y'all, my girl is beautiful! Even with her messy hair and yard work tan. I still felt bad, but soaked in the moment. Then I had a moment... What if???? I know, I know, we all hate that question! I know I should stay away from that question, but it popped in my head and I actually entertained the thought for a little too long. What if I am not around to see Hannah in a wedding dress? I would hope that Samantha would step up and do all of the things... Then again, would she know how to do all of the things since I haven't really been able to do those things with her? 

Anyway...the following week went really well. I got in some good running. I started using the guided runs in my Nike Running app. It helped me to keep it easy AND keep it going. I have a tendency to go too hard and then get mad when I poop out. I had a conversation with someone that really was an answer to prayer...in fact, it was an answer to a prayer that I have prayed many times over the years, but very specifically that morning. 

That Friday I went in for my blood work. It was good!!! I didn't need to shot to boost my white blood cells. I also met with the oncologist. We discussed the next steps. I think, for the first time in a long time I felt positive about my outcome. Overall, it was a really good week.

The came Monday... the dreaded chemo day. On my way in Samantha called me asking about some pain she had been having. Silly kid was at work already. She hadn't slept the night before due to pain on her right side...I am sure you can see where this is going. She consulted Dr. Google. She listed off the list of possibilities from Dr. Google. I nixed a few. She either had a muscle strain or appendicitis. If we are friends on facebook, then you know how this turned out. I told her to go to the free standing ER  in our area. It is much better than the ER in terms of wait time and sick people. However, she was at work and has a wedding to pay for...stubborn child! I have ZERO idea where she gets it from... Well, I told her if she got a fever or started throwing up to go to the nearest ER. Her plan was to go near us after work. She ended up leaving early and went to the free standing ER near us. Needless to say, she was NOT happy with the results. They were going to transfer her by ambulance to the hospital to have surgery. It took 2 hours for her to get transferred. I went to meet her at the hospital. I went in the main entrance, but knew I needed to head to the ER area. As I rounded the corner I had to stop for a minute. My thoughts kind of went a little crazy. I was hooked up to my chemo pump...remember I had chemo that morning. I looked at the waiting room. It was so full and the people just looked sick. I walked all the way across to get to the check in desk. The lady there was helping someone check in. She acknowledged me and asked if I needed to check in. I said no, but I had a question. She went back to the patient she was helping. That person started listing their symptoms and I slowly backed away. As that patient was walking away, another was getting wheeled in...I backed far away this time! Once the check in lady was free, I explained about Samantha being transferred. I showed her that she was about a mile away. She looked at me and called me by name...I never gave it to her. Not sure what to think about that! Anyway, she looked at me and told me I did not need to be in there. She then sent me to the ambulance bay to meet them, but asked that I not tell anyone that she sent me there. I gladly left. Samantha arrived and was put into a room. Shortly after that she got wheeled up for surgery. However, there was a scheduling issue and she was sent back to her room. She finally had surgery Tuesday afternoon. Then I took her home. Wednesday I was BACK at the hospital area for my pump disconnect. Later that day, I thought I would make the most out of the steroids that were still flowing in my system and go for a run. I shouldn't have. I was so done for the rest of the day. Samantha and I both stayed on the couch lamenting our situations. 

Did I mention that Samantha's bridal shower was Friday and the bachelorette party was Saturday? AND her maid of honor rented a lake house? 

Thursday I was still so sick and Samantha was still in pain. I went to the house with the idea of helping decorate, but by the time I got there, all I could do way lay on the couch and wish I was back home. Also on this day, I tried on NINE Mother of the Bride dresses that I had sent to the house. That did not go well. It felt like I ran a marathon with each dress. On top of that, I was still so fat from the chemo, steroids, and their other not so nice effects. No decision was made other than 5 nos and  4 try agains. 

Friday was nice and relaxing. My sick feelings came and went, but I was ok. Samantha and I were both really mad that we could not kayak! I mean, we would be the ones that would have taken off and ended up in the middle of the lake playing. I feel like I did have to remind her that sepsis from bacteria getting into one of her incisions would be so very bad and most definitely would affect her up until the wedding. 

Saturday we did an escape room and painted. I was so very sick that day. I had to go home and go to bed. 

Sunday, I tried on the dresses again. I picked one, but had to do rush shipping. Oops...

So...here we are at Monday. I am chilling out at home. Samantha is also still home, not at work. This is not ideal for her since she still has so many expenses in the next 30 days. She doesn't get sick pay. No work, no money! Some amazing people came through and covered the final dress alteration payment. For this, we are so very thankful! She will be making her final venue payment this week...on Friday. This is also when she will go for the dress fitting. We have the cake (and dessert bar) to work out. Hasn't been bought, picked out, paid for...nothing. I think she still needs the table settings for the dinner. There is another payment for the photographer. The food...plus the nacho bar. Just so much stuff. On top of that, she found out today that she will have to pay an extra $1,200 for her rent, because she didn't give them a 60 day notice of moving out. Her lease in up in August. With that extra payment, it will be almost impossible for them to find a new place together. She was told that she would have to pay that plus extra fees to stay in the apartment a few more months. Whew...weddings are stressful. I can't help her...Maybe in a year, but that will be too late. 

Weddings are stressful! I think I was just so young and didn't give it much thought when I got married. I don't remember all of the stresses! On my to do list is to find a place to rent out for the rehearsal dinner and for the bridal party to stay overnight. Not exactly in my budget...or even close, but I will figure it out. I need to find someone to do Hannah's hair and make up. I will figure out my own stuff. Shoes...I need shoes! One little thing that I left out was the worsening neuropathy. It has ramped up even more. Most days my feet are numb and tingling. For example, I was putting on socks and shoes earlier. I looked all over for my sock...it was on my foot, but I couldn't tell. My fingers are also pretty bad now. The doctor said it could get worse before it starts to improve. That has very much been the case. I have to hold on to things a lot of the time so that I don't fall...particularly in the middle of the night. I have hit that age where I have to pee a lot. Anyway...I need shoes, because the heels that I have will not work in my current state. 

My praying people...please pray for the neuropathy to start to lesson and go away. Typing is hard. walking is sometimes hard...do not underestimate how much you use your hands and feet! Please pray that I won't need the shot this week. Pray for round 11 and 12 to go smoothly and for me to not get so sick after these rounds. Please also pray for Samantha to heal completely. She is not happy about not being able to lift anything or work out. It will be hard to keep her down...I don't know where she gets that either! There are also so many other things that are coming up in the next month that can go sideways really quickly. Please pray for it to all work out.