What is Wrong with me?

 What is wrong with me? To figure this out, we are going to go back...way back. Ok, not really...only about a year. Chances are if you are reading this, you know that I like to run. Well...I have a love/hate relationship with running. I love doing it and the way it makes me feel, but I hate getting started. Back in 2023 I was running 80-100 miles a month until I got busy during the "holiday season." However, even during that season, I could just get up and go for a 5-7 mile run with no issues. Fast forward to February 2024. Running was hard. Then rodeo season started and I got busy. Then at the end of March, running was harder. It was frustrating. I could not run a full mile without stopping and feeling like I was going to die. I couldn't breathe. My body hurt. I have had issues with exercise induced asthma in the past, so I called my doctor and we refilled my inhaler, which I hadn't needed for years. It didn't help. I spent several days every week trying to get in that one good run that would break through whatever was going on. It never happened. What happened was that my quads (those are muscles in the upper leg for those that don't know :) ) would start to hurt. Like they would feel really sore and tired and burn during the middle of my run attempt.  It frustrated me even more. I tried to fix it by doing more. It did not work! 

What's next? I made an appointment with my PCP for a yearly check up. We have health insurance through Marc's company, but since the inception of the Affordable Care Act, our insurance is no longer affordable for us to actually use. I understand that the ACA was a blessing for some, but for us, not so much. We literally can't afford to be sick and use our insurance. So, to keep my visit free and covered by insurance, I could not be "sick." I got the normal blood work up, a mammogram order, an EKG (due to previous issues), and a cologuard order. I also set up my yearly skin cancer check since I always have something show up. YAY me! When did I get old enough for all of this testing? I still see myself as the young mother with all of my little chicks following me all in a row. That is a funny thought since my youngest 'chick' is now 18 and my oldest  'chick' is married and living across the country. 

What is missing from this story is the extreme stress I was under at the time. During April 2024..well, always, but more so at that time, my family was under extreme financial stress. My uncle was rushed to the hospital and in the ICU. We really didn't think he was going to make it. The day of my initial doctor appointment, I walked from the medical building over to his room in the ICU to visit before I went to work. Shortly after that time, my uncle was sent home on hospice. We were all thinking it was long term hospice, but it wasn't. My uncle died. My heart was broken, but I did what I always do. I was brought up to be strong and not show it all. What is "it all?" That would be all of the emotions and feeling that go along with grief. So,  I kind of went on autopilot and worked to support those who were hurting. I don't want my family members to experience  that kind of hurt. I am an expert in that and would rather feel the hurt for them, so they don't have to. My prayer has been to give me that burden so they don't have to feel it and carry it on their own. Anyway, about a month after my uncle's death, my family was rocked by another unimaginable tragedy. I love my family and want to be there 100%. If you know me, you know that I will always put others above myself. So, despite the fact that some issues arose from my testing, I put it aside. My blood work showed that I was anemic, but that is not unusual for me. My mammogram came back fine. Cardiologist testing all came back normal, and much better than my last check up in 2018. My dermatologist appointment showed another precancer spot that I could take care of with a cream. My cologuard came back positive. I attributed it to hemorrhoids. I had started taking iron supplements by the time I got around to doing the test. Any woman who has taken iron should know that effect. I felt the hemorrhoids, so I was not overly concerned, nor did I have the time and energy to follow up. We had moved on the the busy season at work on top of me worrying about and trying to be there for my family. 

Finally, at the end of August, I started following up of all of the testing. My PCP flat out told me that my Hgb numbers could not be attributed to stress and were likely a sign of colon cancer. My thought, was yeah right! I have no symptoms and no risk factors. It is just a hemorrhoid. For reference, my Hgb has always been 11-12, with 12 being normal. Occasionally, I would drop into the high 10's. In April, my Hgb was 8.9. In August 2023, it was 12.1, which is just barely normal. I went to the ER with extreme stomach pain in September 2023. My Hgb had dropped to 8.4 despite taking daily supplements, eating enriched foods, and other iron boosting things. I already had an appointment scheduled for a GI doctor, but it was still a month away. This was the first time that I entertained the thought of cancer. However, I had a CT scan in the ER and it did not show anything abnormal in my chest or abdomen. When I finally me with the GI doctor and explained everything, he thought it sounded more like bleeding ulcer, due to my symptoms...or lack thereof. After going through my calendar and the business of November, I finally settled on a date for the colonoscopy as well as an endo to check my stomach. Friday, November 22 was the date. There were times during the prep that I wanted to quit. I thought that there was just no way I can do this. Then the prep was also not working. Finally at about 2 am I used the prep that had been sent to Marc over the summer. For some reason they sent him 2 kits instead of 1. Thankfully, that did the trick and my body was ready for the testing. My mind was not. When I got into the testing room, I was fidgeting with my hands. My doctor sat down and asked if I was nervous and reassured me that it was going to be ok and the test would give me answers. 

Marc was with me. He was actually happy to be there, because he wanted to hear me fart. For the record,  I did not. He farts and drools after all of his testing and ends up having no memory of the whole day. I woke up fully alert, this surprised everyone. The doctor told me they had found a a 4 cm mass in my ascending colon and that it was highly likely malignant. He showed me the picture and explained that about the biopsy and how he tattooed the area. He then said the standard treatment would be a hemicolectomy. He explained that process and gave me more pictures along with the doctor he wanted me to use. Within an hour of being home I had scheduled a staging CT scan for the very next day (11/23/24), an appointment with an oncologist (12/2/24), and an appointment with the surgeon (12/18/24). I was not happy with the last date, so I called and had it moved- more than once. It was set for 12/6/24. I was still not happy with that and kept trying to get it for 12/4 at the location closest to me. I worked all day on 12/3 and could not stay on the phone that long. Marc called the office several times. They told him to check back at 3, because that is the time people start replying to the confirmation messages to cancel. He called and at that moment an appointment became available. 

Let's get the ball rolling!