How it started and how it's going...

 Monday...I have a new reason to hate every other Monday. I started my morning nice and calmly working from home, yet dreading what was to come. Once it was time, I packed up my laptop and headed to the infusion center. I started with bloodwork. Thankfully, it was good to proceed. Of course the first test to come back was the pregnancy test. I had to laugh! Last year it was a running joke, because that test always showed up on Tuesday mornings during out staff meeting. I would open it up and declare with a sigh of relief that I was not pregnant. The people who were not in on that joke would look at me funny. All of my other blood came back as expected, except the CEA. It of course had risen since my appointment on the 12th. Not shocked, but didn't like seeing the jump from 9. something to 13. something. This being my first visit and time with some of these drugs, I got a lot of info thrown at me. This pump is different from the one at Methodist, so I had to watch some troubleshooting videos. I got all settled in my chair with my laptop out ready to rock and roll. Then she started adding drugs, some as premed drips, others as shots into the iv. I was being asked it I had been given some of them before...I had no idea. She mentioned one of the side effects of one...yep, I had it before. I remember the feeling I had in the ER a year ago. I remember screaming by butthole was on fire. I know, I know...TMI. I did blog about it, so you can go find that post. It would have been around February 5, 2025. Mental note: I will get that drug each time, do not be surprised when it feels like the ring of hell down there! 

The first drug infused was the Avastin. That one raised my blood pressure. They expected that and were keeping a watch. Later that day, the nurse let me know it was getting worrisome. Good thing that infusion was done. Next up was the irinotecan. I was warned that my eyes and nose would drip and I would cramp up. I was busy working, so not really focusing on any of that. Well, at one point I grabbed some of the handouts and started fanning myself. She came to check on me and asked me questions. My blood pressure had returned to normal, but I was burning up. Temp was normal too. I guess my eyes and nose were running, but my skin was out running them. I felt drenched. She asked if I felt like I was going to vomit...yep, there was some definite crampy feeling like I could easily vomit. I decided that it would be best if I put the laptop away. I had already managed to work about 8 hours anyway. That med was paused and I was given a few different drugs to counteract the feeling. She came back in and let me know that there was only 2 minutes left in that infusion. I said to get it going and finish it up. She wanted to give me an extra 10 minutes. So we did that. Not gonna lie, I was rough. Once that was done, onto the bolus of the 5FU. That is the name, but I may or may not call it something else... Then I got the wonderful take home pump of the 5FU. 

My first words when I walked into the house were, "Hannah, I need a baked potato." She said we didn't have any. Bummer. Thankfully, I had some Chick-fil-a funds and sent her there. I woke up with her hanging the bag over my head. Then I fell asleep again and woke up to answer a text. Then crashed out again and changed the channel of the tv and plugged in my watch. Only to crash again. I woke up and answered another text and then realized it was after 10pm...oops! That's when I picked up all of my stuff and moved to my actual bedroom. I think I ended up sleeping/dozing for about 12 hours. That was new for me. Last time the steroids had me so amped up that I couldn't sleep. 

Tuesday happened...all while being pumped with the lovely 5FU. I am so tired and so nauseous! Thankfully, I did get my baked potato! I did not sleep as great, but still got maybe 7 hours. 

 My CT scan is happening. I got to change into some lovely pants. I was  not mentally prepared or aware of one part that will be done. I will spare you the TMI on this one, because I am kind of appalled and offended. I have my drinks, plus the IV contrast, plus a little extra down there to expand my bowels...or something like that. My reaction when I was told had to be about as priceless as Pastor Gregg announcing my presence yesterday. Once I am done with the CT, I can get this pump removed. I think I have about 2 hours of infusing left. Y'all...I am so ready for a shower! If you want a laugh, go back and look at late Jan. early Feb. post from last year about my hair washing fail. You will laugh, I promise! I know I could link it, but the nausea makes it hard for me to want to look around...the wonderful drinks I am having to chug down sure aren't helping much. 

Fear is a liar! Perfect love cast out fear! The fear of the results of the CT is real. I know it has only been 3 weeks, but over things can grow over 3 weeks. I do not want to see growth. I believe in miracles and know it is possible for there to not be growth, but it hard to wrap my head around that concept...especially with the rising tumor marker number. Maybe I am ok with untreated growth that is now being zapped. I am not ok with new spots of growth. Then I worry about how that might affect my chances for surgery and worry about how my 2 upcoming surgical consults will go. 

Prayer requests for this update: Good CT scan results...whatever that means. Nausea and fatigue is so bad. The other stomach issues are supposed to start in the next day or two...UGH. I have a full schedule and lots to do, but I really just want to sleep. This is somewhat new for me. 

I hear voices, so think I am going to be wheeled up soon.