Tis the Season, plus some
Round 5 starts tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it...actually, I dread it. I did not bounce back from round 4 the way I had been. The exhaustion has never left. I have tripped over my feet a few times due to the neuropathy. My stomach has not been well at all. The cold sensitivity never left. This made it hard during my rodeo shifts. I usually have a water in my hand and one in my back pocket. I could not hold one in my hand. Even having the bottle in my pocket bothered me. This means that I ended up pretty dehydrated during my rodeo shifts. It was also hard to drink the water since it was cold. I also had some wicked looking muscle twitches in my calves. It literally looked like there was some sort of alien being in my legs. I have lost quite a bit of hair this round. Then, there was a new side effect...bloody nose. I have had several and they don't really stop easily. Please pray for these effects to lesson this next round. I know that it is not likely. The effects increase as I progress in my treatments, BUT GOD!
So, I have been dealing with congestion for 2 weeks now. Today, I woke up with a huge lymph node swollen in my throat/neck area. I am hoping the steroids tomorrow will knock that out. It is kind of painful.
Now that the ugly stuff is out of the way...my week was good and busy, despite the circumstances. Last Sunday I worked my rodeo shift. I started my day bright and early at church and left to go work. It was good and it was hard! Sunday was Go Tejano Day, so the crowd was huge. If you know me, you know that I give 110% of just about anything that I do. Then when it is over, I am done! It is like there is a switch in my body that just shuts off. My body was done about the time the concert was over. That switch got flipped a little too soon. However, we couldn't leave until the stadium is clear. Apparently, many who enjoy Go Tejano Day enjoy it too much. After about 15 minutes, I went and found the cowboy autograph chair. 45 minutes later, we were cleared to leave. For the first time that night, I was not ok. My captain could tell and suggested I sit in the office for a while before leaving. They offered to have someone walk me to my car when I was ready, but I declined. Everything was still so packed when I left. I found a family and stuck close to them as they paved the way through the crowd. At one point, I did tell the teenaged daughter that I wasn't stalking them...just following them. Everything hurt by the time I got home.
Monday, everything still hurt. Even my stomach was protesting. It was a day of rest for me. Marc didn't like the fact that he had to take Hannah to her softball game in Friendswood, but I knew that I couldn't do that and get up and work the next day. I hunkered down at home with the heating pad and the Rodeo on tv. If you haven't been able to tell...I am a super fan of all things rodeo.
I managed run a FULL mile without stopping on Wednesday. It's little things like this that make me happy. Also, I am apparently one of those people that doesn't experience "unexpected weight loss" with colon cancer. I also haven't experienced weight loss while doing chemo and feeling like crap. I want to barf...or poop and don't really cook anything, yet, I have put on a few pounds. So stinking annoying. I feel like if I am going to have cancer, at least let me have a little "unexplained weight loss." It is kind of not fair...I know, I know, life it not fair. At least, that is what I used to tell my kids when they were younger and upset about something not being fair.
So Jennifer, Why aren't you cooking? Well, the prep of it all hurts my hands. I can't handle touching raw meat or anything that starts out cold. Gloves that keep your hands warm do not work well with cooking. I had a craving for a wedge type salad the other day. I had a tomato, blue cheese, and half a head of iceberg lettuce in the fridge. I washed the lettuce and tomato in the collender under hot water just so I could touch them and move them to the cutting board. This doesn't mean my stuff was warm, it just meant that I could pick it up. Then I layered paper towels over the stuff so I could hold it in place with one hand, while I used the other to cut. It is a lot of trouble! Door dash, juices, yogurt, and my protein smoothies (when I can tolerate something cold in my mouth) have been my go to things right now. I did wise up and buy a few bagged salads for this week. I actually just finished one a few minutes ago. Hopefully stomach does ok with the roughage.
If you have followed along, then you know I really wanted to see Brooks and Dunn at the rodeo, but I really did not want to pay the inflated resale price. I really had given up hope. While I was out walking on Thursday, I got a message from someone on my rodeo committee that her coworker was selling 2 seats in the east club for very near face value. Was I interested? OF COURSE! Brooks and Dunn...in the club...with use of the club escalator and elevator instead of feeling like a herd of cattle on the ramps...I couldn't have done the ramps on Saturday anyway. She sends me her coworkers venmo along with the last 4 of his phone number. Y'all, I won't tell you his name, but it seriously seemed like a scam. I messaged back asking if this was all legit and she reassured me that it was and sent me a screenshot of the tickets. I took the chance and venmoed the money. Almost immediately, the tickets were transferred. I quickly called Samantha and we celebrated our win!
She of course also wanted to go on Friday night to see Parker McCollum while I was working my shift. Those tickets did not just fall into my lap. I think we found some about an hour before we left the house. It took literally sitting on the website all day and paying attention as the page refreshed. I can't tell you how many times I got some only for them to be gone before the purchase was complete. She had a very limited amount of money to spend...weddings are expensive...and resalers thought those tickets were made of gold, or something. There were tickets listed for $8,000 up until an hour before the show. INSANE! Friday night was my team debrief. We had brisket and other food before shift and then had a gathering after. My shift was great! I didn't feel very good all morning, but thankfully, I felt about 80% of normal by that evening. I don't anticipate feeling better than 80% until a few months after chemo. It was fun to interact with the crowd. I was even singing and dancing people out of the gate. Kind of like...it was fun, now leave. After shift, we headed over to the Stockman's Club. This one had a live band and a dance floor. It was fun. I got out there and danced to Man, I Feel Like a Woman with Samantha. Then we finished the night with Copperhead Road and the Cotton-Eyed-Joe. I almost felt like a new woman! It was nice to be out and having fun without thinking about treatments or how I was feeling.
Before I move on to Saturday, I want to add in a little bit of extra. In my last update, I mentioned wanting to go to California, but not really sure if I could or should go. I had many people tell to to go, but in my mind it is not that easy. I thrive on routine and I like to know what to expect. This whole cancer thing has turned my world upside down and cattywampus. God is teaching me that I am not in control. Routine and predictability are nice, but that may not be how I am supposed to live my life. I find it hard to step out of my normal life and walk away from the house...even with a lot of planning. I won't go into all of my inner dialogue...I think I have shared enough of the crazy ramblings that happen with myself, but the planner in me wants to plan something like this for months and have every little detail (and possible hurdles) planned out. I had already looked at flights and points, but just couldn't do it. Well, on a whim, while sitting at the rodeo Saturday, I booked my flights. I will not stay for Sunday to be led in worship by Josh. This was not done out of a sense of obligation to be at my own church (maybe a little), this was done because Samantha will be driving back starting Saturday and Josh won't be able to get away on Sunday to drop me off at the airport. So, I am leaving for California bright and early on a Monday (off chemo week) and headed back Saturday morning/afternoon. I am nervous and excited all at the same time. My mind goes to the what ifs that come along with chemo, but I am praying I stay healthy and am not bogged down with side effects the whole time. That is a prayer request that I would love you to pray with me!
Back to Saturday and Brooks and Dunn...God is teaching me to slow down. Slow people also have a little to do with it. My body was aching from Friday night and not getting home until after 1:00 am. While not on shift, I do not have the privilege of close parking. We headed to the 610 lot and parked. We looked at the lines for the tram..and saw zero trams on the horizon and decided to walk across the bridge over the freeway, through the blue lot, and then into the grounds. The walk is not new to me. We started out at my normal pace. I was reminded of the neuropathy in my feet when walking across some of the larger parking lot rocks. We made it across the bridge and that is when things backed up. I walk like I drive and get annoyed when people are going the same speed in every lane. That is what it felt like. There were 2 kids bouncing curb to curb and 5 adults just strolling along with no sense of purpose. There was ZERO way around them. Side note: I always made my kids leave space for others to pass if we were moving slow. The people behind me were getting annoyed too. Imagine being on the HOV lane, not the one on I-10, but the one with walls on both sides and no shoulder. Then picture the car in front is going 45 mph and noone is in front of them. The speed limit on the HOV is 60 or 65, but most people prefer to do 75. There is no way to pass the car, so all you can do is hope that they exit the very next exit. However, most don't and you end up stuck behind this car going 45 mph for 15 miles. The annoyance is real. The road rage at that point is also real. This is what it felt like being behind this group who were totally unaware of the 50 car back up behind them. Samantha just looked at me and said this just means that I am supposed to slow down. SIGH... My legs truly were jello from the night before. I embraced the slowness as long as I could. I did pass the family as soon as possible, but did not resume my normal speed. We felt fancy going in the East Club entrance. We felt even fancier seeing all of the amazing food options there. I need a friend who has club tickets, but hates the rodeo. We got brisket tacos to split, but then saw egg rolls that looked really good. We got those to split also. Later, we followed a lady pushing huge buckets of ice cream just to see where she was going. We got to joke with others who were laughing at us and all wanting to follow. Well, near the "end of the road" and no ice cream in sight, we asked here were she was going. She told us the freezer, but pointed us in the direction of the ice cream. Blue cookies and cream ice cream, plus all of the toppings we could fit in the bowl...it was sooooo good. For some reason both of the girls and I seem to like all things blue. I think it makes us think of Cookie Monster... Hmmmm....maybe this is the reason for the extra weight. Oops. I don't usually gain weight during rodeo, because I never top moving. Enough of that...I am already sad the rodeo is over, so I won't dwell on all of the foods that I did not get to eat or the ones I can't wait to eat again next year. Brooks and Dunn were amazing as usual. I don't have any photos of videos of it, because I was too busy enjoying it all. For some stupid reason, I started crying. I think I have cried more in the last few years than I have my whole entire life. I tried to quickly wipe my tears and hide them as I tried to figure out what the heck was wrong with me. I don't cry. Marc cries...I do not. I think the emotion of getting to still have my rodeo experience when I didn't think I would was just so overwhelming. Also, being able to see the two performers that I absolutely love and grew up watching really hit me. I just sat there and sang every song like a normal person. It was great. I even called/guessed what the last 4 songs were. Not sure if I could do that because it's rodeo, or because this is a group that I have seen several times and just know what's coming. It was so great!!!!! I am happy to have had the experience that I had. I am looking forward to next year when I can do ALL of the things.
After the show, we went and used Caleb and Hannah's unused carnival tickets. We played 3 games and each of us won a stuffed dog. Here is a photo of us with our dogs. She won the little dog and I won the big dog.
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