Scans are Coming!

 My first post surgery scans are coming up on Saturday. To say that I am anxious would be an understatement. Hmmmm, wonder if that is why my stomach is unsettled today. I even came home from work early because it just felt yuck. I guess it has been a while, so I didn't recognize it, but I usually get stomach upset when stressed or worried. Ok, back to the scans...I feel like this is BIG. This obviously determines my next steps. I am hoping and praying the cancer doesn't return so soon after a major surgery. Truthfully, there are 2 people who I have strived to be like through this journey. For the past 2 years I ahve prayed to be a miracle and I have named these two in my prayers. I want to be the walking miracle. I want God to use me and my story for many years to come. One man was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when I was in middle school...maybe the late 80's 1990. He lived 30 years. Y'all that is unheard of and a true miracle. The other has had stage 4 cancer for over 30 years. I think he has had 4 types of cancer. I passed him in the hallway a few weeks ago. I told him I wanted to be like him when I grew up. We chatted about our journeys and he prayed for me. Over the years, I have prayed for both of these people. One has gone home to the Lord...a few years ago. The other is still here and still being used by God. 

Ok, before I get into all of the other stuff people have asked me about, I first want to say HAPPY DUE DATE to my 1 week old grandbaby! Little Lydia Jade made her debut exactly a week ago. 


She is precious and I am in love! She is BEAUTIFUL! She has a head of hair. She is long and skinny. She weighed 5 lbs 15 ozs and was 19 inches long. 

 

I am trying to soak up as much time as I can. She is the reason I wanted to fight so hard. I pray that I get to watch her grow up and become a beautiful young woman. I admit though, I hold her and rock her and sing to her like I am trying to cram it all in...just in case. The thought of not seeing her grow up breaks my heart. 


I am trying to remember what my mom did that drove me nuts...and not do it with Samantha. Y'all, it's hard! I get it now! It is hard to not rush in and take over. It is hard to not just go over there and do all things with and for the baby. I want them to have time as a family first. I told Samantha I will take some vacation days after Anthony goes back to work. I NEEEEEED some baby time!

Not only it the arrival of Lydia an amazing miracle. Josh and Morganne are due in April! I squealed and cried a few months ago when they told me. I am going to need some frequent flier miles. This Granny wants to go to the baby shower. Again, I don't want to intrude on their bonding time or Morganne's mom's time, but I am going to need to hold, rock, and sing to this baby too! Mid-February I felt like I was staring at death and would never fulfill my dream of being a granny to many. I mean, isn't that why I had so many kids? I wanted to be surrounded by the love in my old age. Here I am, not even a year later and I have one here and one on the way. 

I can't leave out my other kids! I am proud of Caleb. He graduated from the Police Academy in October. He is in the middle of field training. Hannah has a few weeks left in the semester and then she will have her Associates Degree. 

Things are going well. Times like this is when my mind can spiral, because it seems like things go well and then the rug gets pulled out from under me and it all crashes. Time is not lost on me. This month it will be two years since I was diagnosed. I always knew the cancer would come back and I would progress to stage 4, but I didn't think it would happen so fast, yet here we are. My prayer is for clear scans!

Aside from baby news, and cancer updates (which I won't have until scan results), the next big question I get is, "how are you doing?" I feel like that is a loaded question. I am good. I am not good. I am tired. I have energy. I really don't know how to answer. Externally, I feel like I am good. Internally, I feel like there is still some healing and rearranging. My body still gets tired. However, unlike right after surgery, it is not easy for me to get that refreshing sleep. I don't just come home and fall asleep...not for lack of trying. I have tried unsuccessfully to run. I do have a half marathon coming up in January. Sometimes I feel great walking. Sometimes walking hurts. Before cancer returned I was starting to find my new normal. I have yet to get there this time. There is the new new post different chemo normal PLUS the new post surgery and missing body parts normal. SO...when people ask, I am good. I am alive. I am breathing. I am walking. I AM A GRANNY!

I hope I covered everyones questions. 

Prayer Requests: 

  • A miracle
  • Clear Scans
  • Good labs
  • Lydia
  • A healthy baby. and pregnancy for Morganne and Josh
  • Safety for Caleb
  • Next steps for Hannah - I have not made the time to help her look at culinary schools
  • My Scanxiety
  • Continued recovery from surgery- mentally and physically
  • Peace
  • Oncology and Surgeons appointments on Monday

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What is Wrong with me?

 What is wrong with me? To figure this out, we are going to go back...way back. Ok, not really...only about a year. Chances are if you are reading this, you know that I like to run. Well...I have a love/hate relationship with running. I love doing it and the way it makes me feel, but I hate getting started. Back in 2023 I was running 80-100 miles a month until I got busy during the "holiday season." However, even during that season, I could just get up and go for a 5-7 mile run with no issues. Fast forward to February 2024. Running was hard. Then rodeo season started and I got busy. Then at the end of March, running was harder. It was frustrating. I could not run a full mile without stopping and feeling like I was going to die. I couldn't breathe. My body hurt. I have had issues with exercise induced asthma in the past, so I called my doctor and we refilled my inhaler, which I hadn't needed for years. It didn't help. I spent several days every week trying to get i...
Read more

This is not the update I wanted to give you...

 It has been a long and rough 24 hours. Around 9am every morning, many staffers go to Corner Books to get coffee. Like any other Thursday, we were talking about things. There were pockets of conversations going on. My phone rang. I knew. I knew the number. I knew the results. I knew how the conversation was going to go.  How could I have gone from feeling on top of the world and running a half marathon less than a month ago to this? GUT PUNCH! My CEA which was 5.5 at diagnosis and averaged 1.6 this past year was now at 6.8 My CA-125 which had never been done was 80. Normal is 0-35 I am still waiting on the results of the signatera test.  All of my other blood work was normal. Now for the hard part. I have 2 pelvic masses. One is 6.5cm x 3.8cm x 4.5 cm. The other is a 1.5 cm nodule. I also have a liver nodule that is 1.5cm x 1.3 cm.  Surgery is off the table. My oncologist wants to biopsy the 1.5 pelvic nodule and start chemo to "control it." No options after that wer...
Read more

The time in between...

Image
 So now what? I was told I have colon cancer. I had a CT scan done and got those results. The GI doctor called me with the pathology results. No surprise, the mass was cancerous. I will leave out the specifics of the pathology report, but will say that it did not show signs of being a genetic thing called Lynch Syndrome.  So, I wait... Those that know me well, know that I don't wait well. My mom said that I was born early and hit the ground running and haven't stopped since. Well, I am now on a forced stop. See there is this holiday called Thanksgiving. As you can see from my dates on the 1st post, it is near Thanksgiving. Nothing happens on that week, which is why all of my next appointments don't happen until December. I was left with my own thoughts, worries, and fears (yes, I will admit that I have those) for about 10 days. Actually, more than that, but at this point I was just moving to the next appointment.  It was during this time that I started wondering...what di...
Read more