Jennifer's Cancer Journey

 I have hesitated posting a new update. The wedding is over. It was great...I think. I feel like I was pulled in so many different ways throughout the night that I really didn't get to enjoy much or process what was happening. Also, it is August and it was so humid and hot! I don't have wedding photos to share. I never picked up my phone to take any until Samantha and Anthony were walking out. I am anxiously waiting for the photographer photos!  There really was no rest time for me. I packed and unloaded everything from the venue into my car. Then unloaded it all at home. I think it was about 1am by the time I showered and went to bed. Sunday was promotion Sunday at church, so I was up early for that. It was a long day and I made a few uncharacteristic, but minor mistakes. Thankfully, Monday I did not get out of bed other than to shower and go back to bed. The rest of the week was nonstop. That seems to be my life right now. I did get to enjoy a beach day with Hannah. I may ma...

 I feel like so much has happened since my last update. I don't even remember my last update. I had to go back and look it up. It was August 1st. I feel like I have lived a year since then! I had my last round of chemo. The sense of relief I had when that pump did its crazy "I'm empty" beep was real! Yet, at the same time, it was a little surreal. Since I was told that I had cancer back in November, there was always this plan. I knew what was coming next and in some small part what to expect. Now I am in just a little bit of limbo. I am relieved, yet scared at the same time.  After the crazy beep, I headed to my follow up with my surgeon. It was my 6 month follow up from my 1 month follow up. All seemed to go well. I went in with my chemo pump on. He smile when I told him that this was it. Then the pump did another crazy beep thing...it was still empty. I guess it was my reminder...like I could forget! The doc asked what it meant. I told him it was empty and I needed ...

Before I get into the gritty of the appointments today along with what is to come, I have some randomness to share. There a few random things I have noticed during the last year visiting doctors and hospitals. One of those things is valet parking. It is your friend if you are going to be there a while, or at a time when you are likely to NOT find a parking spot. I valet on chemo days. I am there a while and may not have the energy to walk to my car when I am finished. The valet parking is free. When I go in for blood work or doctor appointments (they are generally back to back- for now), it is usually around lunch time, so I can easily find a parking spot. It is a little tougher on disconnect day, but I don't want to valet for a 15 minute appointment. Another thing that I have come to have a love/hate relationship with is MyChart. Everything is there and I can check in and pay before my appointment. My experience has been that I don't need to actually make appointments. They al...

 The ON/OFF switch and how it applies to my treatment and mentality... Before I get to that, let me give you a little bit of background. Most of you know by now that I have 4 kids...well, 4 adults. Their personalities are all very different. Josh has always been an independent person who is very creative, yet forgetful. Samantha is stubborn...very, very stubborn. She is determined and set in her ways. It will be nearly impossible to get her to change her mind once she decides on something. Hannah is Hannah. She is kid #4. She doesn't seem to have a care in the world and is very go with the flow. What motivates everyone else does not motivate her. She is her own person...one that I don't always understand. Then there is kid #3! Kid #3 is my answered prayer for patience. Caleb has always had a special place in my heart...he disagrees with me on this. His personality shone brightly in utero. He seemed to always be on a coffee high. He was constantly in motion. It seemed like he co...

 It was not my intention to go so long between updates. A lot has happened since my last update. Some I will share and some I will not...at least not yet.  So, I had round 9 and my neuropathy ramped up even more despite my oncologist dropping the Oxaliplatin. Crazy me did a pop up kickboxing class at church the day after disconnect. It was great despite the way I felt. I had decided to go home and walk my dog. He is finally not depressed and is happy. He has even started dumping his toy box to play with toys again. Well, I sat down and that was it. It took a few hours for me to even get up the energy to shower. Then I went to bed.  The next day Samantha had her wedding dress alteration fitting. I was able to button those tiny buttons...I could not do that now. Y'all, my girl is beautiful! Even with her messy hair and yard work tan. I still felt bad, but soaked in the moment. Then I had a moment... What if???? I know, I know, we all hate that question! I know I should stay...

 I showed up at the infusion center bright and early. I have a feeling I no longer look bright and cheery when I go in. I would like to think I am not quite in the black and white zone yet though. This was a reference from my post about my first round of chemo.  Honestly, I am still so physically exhausted from last week. I am used to the go-go-go, but my body is saying no-no-no. It's alright though, at some point I will get back to the go-go-go version of myself...I hope.  My nurse today is the least favorite of mine. I won't go into the reasons why, it is what it is. She got my port accessed and my blood drawn. Thankfully, the shot of Zarxio that I received Friday worked. I go the go ahead to proceed with chemo. As it turns out, the oncologist completely dropped the Oxaliplatin. I am thankful for this! My neuropathy has progressed instead of getting better since my last round, which included an extra week. I was warned that I could have what they call "coasting." T...

 I had to go back and skim my last post to remember what it was about. And well...a whole lot of life has happened since June7...almost 2 whole weeks.  I work really hard to not look how I feel. Sunday, June 8, I think I failed. I parked off site and almost couldn't walk up the steps to get on the shuttle bus. I almost texted to see if it was ok for me to park on site, but I refuse to let cancer and treatment win. Some think it is pride, I think it is determination. I was having so many problems walking and I had ZERO energy.  I was able to turn it up some before I had to greet children. In my head...after other wonderful caring leaders passed me, I was smiling and somewhat energetic. I do not know the reality of what I looked like. Wait! Maybe I do! My boss saw my daughter standing near me and thought our colors complemented each other, so he took a picture. Let me go find it... I guess if you don't know me, then you might not be able to see how I feel. What I see if a p...