The First of Many Tests

 Still feeling a little shell shocked from the previous day, I headed back to the hospital for my CT scan. I got all checked in. Then a nurse brought me out a 32 oz cup with a contrast solution in it for me to drink...within the next hour. 

I was making decent progress on the drink. However, there was a lady in the waiting room talking on her phone. She was loud and it was on speaker phone. It was horrible. We all knew her life story, which churches she went to, different people in her life who had changed churches, the reasons for the change, and so much more. She never stopped to breathe. In all honesty, I did not know it was on speaker phone until the very last caller when I heard the person get a chance to speak. The nurse called her back, but she remarked that she had not finished the drink. The people around me were thrilled for her to be called back. I may have made a comment about her not finishing the drink because she never stopped talking long enough to drink. The 3 couples around me said that she was already there and talking when they arrived and they arrived an hour before me. We later apologized to each other about our poor comments about her. Eventually those people left when their significant others were finished with their testing. I was called back. They placed the iv line and then sent me to a different room to wait. Guess who was there and STILL on the phone?!

There were so many thoughts going through my mind as I sat there waiting. I knew what this test was looking for. I knew it would be more in depth than the one in September. However, I was not convinced of the accuracy since that one came back clean. I will spare you all of the doubts and fears. That would ruin your image of me as fearless! 

So, what exactly does a person do after they find out they have cancer and are eagerly awaiting test results. Well, when the next day is Sunday, you go to work at church. I love my job and despite how horrible I felt, I was determined to have a good day. My body did not feel the same as my determination. My morning was good, but I was so worn down and exhausted. I think it was this moment that I let myself feel as bad as I was feeling. It was like almost like a weight was lifted while a ton of bricks was dropped at the same time. I spend most of the year denying how bad I felt. Now that I had the reason, I just let myself feel bad instead of trying to bandaid and strap myself up. I made it though Sunday morning. I wanted to be able to do Sunday night, but I had nothing left. They let me go home and rest, which is what I did. About an hour after being home, I got a notification of test results. My hands were shaking as I opened MyChart. I debated looking at the results, but knew that I could not wait. The tears were instant. I went into the living room and said something. It was like in that moment for my 3 youngest kids, and the 2 "plus one's", life momentarily stopped. I read the full report. I will spare you the full report, but the next morning the doctor updated his comments. I am guessing this is for those that don't know how to read a formal report with all of the details. 

Basically, this means it is likely not stage 4! Now you can all breathe that relief with me!!!

So what does one do when you know you have colon cancer, but you are in the waiting stage?