The Next Steps and the 25 scheduled appointments

 I know, this is the only thing those of you still reading want to know! If you have made it this far and read the previous EIGHT updates, you deserve a medal!

I was on the edge of my seat...well, the couch waiting for the pathology results to pop up in my chart. It was frustrating me that they weren't there yet. I kept getting updates about results and updated results, but those centered around the ER visit...or so I thought. I couldn't sleep the Saturday night before my return to Sunday mornings. I was stalking my chart thinking that maybe I didn't get the message. Well, to my surprise, the results were there and had been since the 26th, they were just really far down the list and I didn't go that far. I will spare you the specifics of the pathology report and the 

mutations. I put all of that in and consulted Dr. Google. I don't google like a normal person. I then looked for scholarly journals and peer reviewed articles pertaining to all of the specifics. If you want specifics, reach out privately. I do not want my kids to decide to consult Dr. Google. 

My cancer is Stage 3. 

I have stage 3 colon cancer. This did not come as a surprise to me. This is the result that I expected. 

I met with the oncologist to discuss the next steps. I will be doing 12 rounds of chemo over the next 6 months. Specifically, FOLFOX. I will have a port implanted near my right collarbone, the left one has a plate and screws, on Thursday, January 23. Pray for me! Hannah is my ride. I will start chemo the following Monday. I will come home with a pump on Tuesday and return Wednesday to disconnect. This will be the routine every two weeks until I have 12 rounds. 

Poison or healing juice???

I really don't like taking meds, I prefer to let my body do its thing and heal itself. Obviously, that won't work in this case. So, while I know that chemo is essentially a poison, I am working on reframing my mind set. I would like to think of it as a healing juice. It will be working to eradicate (Lord willing) any and all of the cancer cells that may be hanging around inside of my body. 

What are the side effects? Nausea, diarrhea, fatigue, thinning hair, peeling hands and feet, neuropathy, and cold sensitivity, just to name a few. I have meds to combat the nausea and diarrhea. I have been instructed to let my nurse navigator know if they are doing the job or if we need to try something else. I bought an 8 pack of gloves. Apparently, touching cold things (like opening the fridge) will feel like I am being electrocuted. So, if you see me wearing gloves, I am not channeling my inner child who was a huge Michael Jackson fan, I am trying to avoid the "ELECTROSHOCK" feeling. I have a feeling only GenZer's will get that reference. I will also need to wear socks or shoes at all times to prevent that same feeling on my feet. 

Maybe I should BEDAZZLE one of my black gloves??? I really aged myself there. If you don't get that reference, please ask someone who grew up in the 80's. 

I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support, particularly the last few days as I have shared the beginning of my journey. I appreciate the texts and messages. I still don't know what a chemo bag is, but am eagerly awaiting a delivery from a friend to get it started. 

How can you help? So many of you have asked. I don't know. I don't know how I am going to feel and react. I don't know what to expect, despite the side effect warnings. You can pray. Pray for me to be healed and have no recurrences or metastases. You can pray for my family and for them to know how to support me during this time. Samantha is planning to get married in August. Hannah is in her final semester of high school. I want to help Samantha plan and I want to be present for Hannah's final softball season. You can pray for Caleb. IYKYK. Also pray for Josh as he is 1,500 miles away. You can pray for finances to work out. It is January and everything regarding insurance reset. I am working on applying for financial assistance for the chemo, but I just received the port estimate yesterday. I will be calling to try and set up a payment plan. Please also pray that I continue to spend time daily with God, not gonna lie, some days it is hard. Those are the days that my inner dialogue gets to be a little much. 

If you attend church with me, you can reach out to those close to me. While I foolishly am holding onto the idea that I will be able to do all of the things, realistically, I know that while I am no longer on a forced stop, I am on a forced slowdown and possibly pause. I will try to keep them updated on how I am feeling and what I need that could be helpful. I have spent years refusing help, but I now feel (after my illness in 2018) that if God is placing it on your heart to send me a meal, it would be wrong of me to say no. It would be disobedient on my part to not allow others to be obedient. That is how some loving friends put it to me at the time. 

Please don't be afraid of me. Don't be afraid to ask me questions if you see me. I will be glad to chat. If it is not a good time, I might suggest that we catch up later. Please don't be offended. I am very task oriented and there will be times that I am completely focused on what I am doing...namely, welcoming children. That is my joy and I want to focus on doing something that brings me and hopefully others joy. That is the time I will likely ask to chat later. 

If you are still reading, you are a rock star! You are also officially caught up to the current events. You now know what I know. Don't worry, I will not be posting 3-4 updates each day going forward. Enjoy the break from the drama that is my life. 

Edited to add: Please also pray for peace. Every cramp, pain, and ache sends my head and heart into the 'what if' and worst case scenario places. What if the hip pain that has plagued me since October is actual cancer spread? At last check there was no evidence of that and I am convinced that I tore something instead of just a strain. What if the headaches that are not migraines is spread to the brain? Let's ignore the fact that I have kind of had those type of headaches since my root canal a few years ago. It could also be dehydration, because those are times when i can identify that it is worse. What if the back pain is spread there???? You see where I am going with this? Back pain is also nothing new. I need to be able to take these thoughts and replace them with truths. I will not let my anxiety take over!