Lazy Saturday, but not by Choice

 I kind of feel like it has taken longer to bounce back after this round of chemo. The nausea and fatigue are still pretty bad today. It doesn't help that I seem to be fighting allergies, which apparently isn't easy when the body is already taxed. I got to rest on Wednesday after disconnect thanks to spring break. Thursday was spent trying to rest. Friday, yesterday, I took Hannah to her softball game in Texas City. The plan was to stay and watch varsity after her game, but I only made it to about the 3rd inning. I had already tried eating a trail mix and had taken two different anti nausea meds. It was obvious that I was not going to feel better. I tried calling Hannah, but she didn't answer. Later, she reminded me that I told (drilled into) her to never have her phone out in the dugout...the one time a kid actually listens to what I say... One of the moms went and got her for me. Then we headed to the car slowly for the very long drive home. Hannah didn't notice that we had passed a Buc-ee's on the way to the game, but she did notice on the way home. It was a bummer to not stop, but I just couldn't. She is a trooper and understood. We made it home and I think I went to bed. 

Today, I have been trying to rest and hydrate. I am still feeling so yucky. I have spent most of the day in the living room listening to the windchimes on my back porch. I may move out there soon to see if the fresh warm air helps any. Actually, Rodeo bull riding is over, so I am now on the back porch. My yard needs to be mowed, but we all know that I can't do it. I have been told NO yardwork due to allergies and risk of sinus infection.  I was so yucky feeling that I couldn't even clean this week. Samantha came over and took care of it for me yesterday. I am thankful for her. 

Tomorrow is a Rodeo shift. I tried to get it switched, since it is on a Sunday, but due to my own limitations, I couldn't get a date that would work. I already knew that I could not do back to back shifts. I think even one day in between would have been too much. I am thankful that I have had the stamina to work rodeo...even if I am limping back to my car at the end of the night. 

I hate feeling this way! I should be enjoying this beautiful spring day, but the sun and allergens are bad for me. Y'all, I love the sun!!!! I would love to have my toes in the sand right now...even though I really really dislike sand. Maybe next year... 

Not sure if you know country music, or Tim McGraw, but he has a song called Live Like You were Dying. Not trying to be morbid, but something like cancer does cause a person to stop and think some...ok, a lot! What things can I do that I would normally not, or just put off? Samantha always goes to see Josh in California for his birthday in May.  I would like to go, but not with her. She is driving and likes to drive straight through. I just can't do that. That drive about killed me when we did it for the wedding.  However, I have enough southwest miles to make the trip happen! I just need to make up my mind and commit to do it. It is hard, because Samantha hasn't found her 2nd driver and I worry about her trying to drive it alone. She won't fly, because she wants to take the dogs. She did mention taking Hannah, but I would only be ok with it if they stopped at a hotel. If I went, by airplane, not car,  I would time it so she could pick me up and drop me off from the airport. Another cool thing is that Morganne may be graduating with her Masters the same time we would be there. I would love to be there for that occasion. On the other hand, we have always been a very active family. I know I would not be able to do the hikes and keep up with them. That kind of stinks. I wouldn't want them to feel bad about me not hanging with them for those, even though it would be an off chemo week. I just really want to go visit. I would also love to get to see Josh lead worship, but I would feel bad about not being back on a Sunday. Ahhh...what to do? 

So much going on in my brain right now. I guess it is a good thing that my brain is actually awake...even though it is not functioning at 100%. Luckily, my brain at less than 100% is still better than many at 100%. 

Have you ever had a kid surprise you? Caleb has done that a few times the last few months. I am reminded of him right now while listening to the wind chimes. He got me a set for Christmas. It says, "To my beautiful mom, never forget that I love you forever and always." Who would have thought he could be that sweet? I mean, I have always known, he just doesn't like to show that side of him. 

I would swear that these trees didn't have any leaves on them last week... No wonder my head feels yucky! Hmmm, there is pollen all over my porch. Maybe I should go back inside. I do need to plan my outfit for tomorrow. Actually, I need to put away my laundry. For years I have put away my clothes as soon as they were done in the dryer. My clean clothes have been sitting in my basket ready to be put away for a few days. I even washed the dirty clothes I had worn the last few days, since my basket was full. Guess that is my goal for the day- muster up enough energy to put away my laundry. 

I should probably head inside anyway. Chemo has not been nice to my skin. No amount of moisturizer has helped. I noticed the other day after walking when the sun was out that my skin was even worse. Freckles y'all. I haven't had freckles since I was a preteen. Wait.. are they called freckles or old age spots? Whatever they are, they have made an appearance on me! Guess I get to add chemo skin to chemo brain, chemo fatigue, chemo nausea, chemo...whatever. Two months down, four to go!!!!! I can do this! I know it will only get harder, but it has to be done. Let me just say that I don't know how people do chemo for life! Those people are rockstars!!! 

Just to end the update on a good note...Aren't my kids beautiful? They are MY reason!